WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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