i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
