I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There r osticjed everywhere
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just puked most of my soul out..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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