Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
