Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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