5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
