so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
did i walk over a car last night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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