i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
