In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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