You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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