I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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