saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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