He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
