I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
