How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize