OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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