just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
