Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
4 words: hood of his car
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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