She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
