lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
