you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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