they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
