New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
