someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
