By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
