i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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