Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
