If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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