We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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