why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
