Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize