absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
