Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
