im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize