I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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