You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
