You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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