i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
