i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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