I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
