I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
