There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
