my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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