If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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