So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
