Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He did a backflip because drugs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
