I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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