After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
