Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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