he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Less talking, more tequila
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
