i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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