It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
