Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize