I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
