There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize