Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
