God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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