I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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