good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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