He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
did i just pee glitter
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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