Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize