Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
