Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
foreskin is a definite game changer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
