i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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