Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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