K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
