I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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