Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I faked an abortion last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
