You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
