I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
