Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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