the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
