After last night, I could never be a politician.
i already hear my dad disowning me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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