We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
