Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize