I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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