I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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