I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
