Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
