Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
