Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
