Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize