Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
