I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
