thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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