you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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