omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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