I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize