exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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