so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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