some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
